Why are shorts called shorts but pants arent called longsshe wears short shorts I wear long longs
she’s cheer cheerer and i’m on the sit sits
cosmo tip #247
during intercourse, embrace her and softly whisper “are you feeling it mr. krabs?”
i am so jealous of all the people who are comfortable with who they are physically and mentally
THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE THEIR EYES OPEN BUT THEY YAWN TOGETHER OH MY GOD MY HEART HAS EXPLODED.
"why do you like floral prints so much" because i’m not a person. secretly i’m just a mass of bees. trying to blend in with humans. unable to let go of my love of flowers
Me trying to be seductive.
A friend of mine just messaged me saying “I fucked up. I was doing math with my son, and I told him to ‘hold up eleven fingers’ and he started to panic and I didn’t realize why until he screamed ‘MOM…MOM I ONLY HAVE TEN”
OH MY GOD
Craig Ferguson on Tavis Smiley being a contestant on the upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars.
I LOVE TINY VERSIONS OF NORMALLY REGULAR SIZED THINGS
well you are gonna just adore my penis
Usually band members enforce their fans to buy their music…then there’s Brendon Urie